Dear Jethro,

This guy has made it clear that he is interested in me. I am also interested in him, however, he said he’s scared and intimidated by me. What should I do?

-Confused Love

Dear Confused Love,

While you are in a fairly common situation, you are still in a special position. You are the one who has the power. There’s a song by Tal Bachman called “She’s So High” that illustrates a similar situation from the a male perspective. I think you should listen to it. In order to find out what to do, though, you have to get down to the root of the problem. Ask yourself why you think he’s intimidated by you. Could it be because he thinks you’re too good for him or is it because you are a naturally assertive person? If neither of those answers your question, then just straight up ask him yourself. Of course, be sure to do it in the nicest, least threatening way you can. I’ll give you a breakdown of the two possibilities I came up with:

1. He thinks you’re too good for him

Whether it’s from a lack of self-esteem, bad past experiences, or just straight up cowardice, this guy just refuses to believe that you could possibly be into him. He’s scared to make advances because he fears rejection. The best way to counter this is to take charge yourself and ask him out. If that seem like too big a step, then just give him reassurance that you like him too and that there’s nothing to worry about. Hopefully, that should give him enough courage to make things official.

2. You are a naturally assertive person

Are many people intimidated by you? Does the ground tremble when you walk? Do most people bend to your will? If you answered yes to these questions, then you are a naturally assertive person and it may be the reason he is intimidated by you. If he’s not the only one who trembles in your presence, then you have found the root of the problem. There’s nothing wrong with being naturally assertive and in many cases, it can work in your favor. However, if it’s scaring away potential lovers, then it can be an obstacle. To counter it, try toning down your personality just a bit. Don’t change it to the point that you’re not yourself anymore, but attempt to present yourself as someone that doesn’t have to be feared.

I hope my two suggestions help things work out in your favor and if you have any doubt, just ask him yourself! You’d be surprised at what the outcomes could be.

Sincerely,

Jethro