Dear Jethro,

So, I think I’m in love with my best friend but I don’t want my feelings to get between our friendship because I don’t think she feels the same way. How do I make my feelings go away? 

-Unrequited

Dear Unrequited,

There’s no way to make your feelings go away; you have as much control over your feelings as you have control of the weather. Thinking that it’s your fault and that you can just make it go away is dangerous to your psychological and emotional health. Instead of looking for ways to make the feelings go away, look for ways to deal with your friend. I have the following suggestions for you:

1. Distance yourself from her for some time

If you decide to do this, tell your friend that you need to take some time away from them for personal reasons, not because they did anything to upset you. You can decide how much time you think you need to let the feelings subside, whether it be a week or a month. At first, you’ll feel like you miss her and you’ll be constantly thinking about her, but eventually, you’ll get used to not having her around and your feelings will die down. At that point, you can then decide how you want to handle your friendship with her.

2. Confront her directly

A better solution would be to get closure and tell her yourself. Be direct and tell her that you have feelings for her but you don’t want things to get in the way of your friendship. If you choose to do this, then you may get interesting results. On the one hand, your friend will understand and will work with you to keep the friendship the same, and even better, your friend may return your feelings. But on the other hand, your friend may start acting weird around you. This is a completely normal reaction and you shouldn’t think much of it until it goes on for longer than it should. If your friend is really your friend and she can look past the fact that you have feelings for her, then she’ll eventually come around, and now that you’ve gotten past this together, your friendship with her will be even stronger.

3. Find a distraction

If you want to get rid of your feelings for her but don’t want to take time away from her or confront her, then the best solution is to find a distraction. Anything that will keep you occupied and will keep you from thinking about her will work, except I’m against dating someone as a distraction or to make someone else jealous. You can find your distraction in the form of a hobby or with a friend or group of friends or whatever else works for you. Even school works as a good distraction, and the extra attention you give to your classes and homework can also get you higher grades. Eventually, you’ll forget your feelings ever existed and you can continue on normally (until the next crush comes along).

I hope my advice helps and that you and your friend work things out.

Sincerely,

Jethro