“Goodbye to Tomorrow”

Dear,

I am a floating body in water.

Morning arises, and I no longer acknowledge existence. 

Thirty minutes and thirty seconds in the washroom. The mirror has become my antagonist. My heart pumps and I touch my chest. My vocal cords vibrate and I feel my neck. My body moves ever so slowly, and so I stop. I can’t let go of the violence and it burns right through me. How did I get here? 

I am constantly floating in my sorrows with no predication of tomorrow. 

But, mum said that tears can’t bend steal.  

There’s nothing left of me.

Every day comes with a new dream. 

Sunset, sunrise. I enter my second life as a humble gentlewoman living in the promised land. In my third life, I am the delicate swan swaying in Loch Ness from afar. In my fourth life, I am the most jovial person in Edinburgh, running through the everlasting barley fields. In my fifth life, I am the Thane of Fife’s loving wife. My sixth life? I halted it at the peak of this castle.

Pinpoint a dagger to my head and I’ll stay still. Cruelty made me a monster, what should I be scared of? A life ended was a life once lived. Guilt is a sin, but so is the life I’ve rebuilt – murder after murder.

Sometimes I think 

What if, anyone or anything had tried to help me? A god, another humankind. Mother Nature? Even the weather, or the dreams I’ve held close to me. 

If not, then a sharp weapon.  

The one who inflicted the injury, even from afar, must suffer the same.

 That’s fair, right? 

I’ll never find a solution to the past.

She’ll always be in front of me. 

I’m only becoming worse every day. 

So, I say goodbye. 

Goodbye,

Goodbye, 

Goodbye.